Why We Skip the Check-In
As medical students—and simply as people—we must regularly check in with ourselves. For some of us, that may not be something we are accustomed to doing. We can go through life day after day feeling angry, frustrated, anxious, sad, depressed, or overwhelmed and simply call it life.
However, sometimes what we are experiencing is not something we should simply accept without examining it. Because of our busyness, we may never take the time to understand where our emotions are coming from. Some of us may not even realize that checking in with our feelings is something we can do because emotional awareness was never practiced in our households.
Learning to Feel Again
Everything I started learning about how to live well mentally began during a time when I was mentally in shambles and emotionally shattered. I had to find a way forward when I could not immediately access the help I needed—one of the obstacles I experienced while living outside of the country.
I had never considered myself a depressed person or someone who was consistently irritated by everything until my late twenties. I may have experienced emotional challenges from previous situations, but I was still able to move through life by burying my emotions and immersing myself in work.
I substituted being a student for therapy when, in reality, the hurt was still there, waiting for me to acknowledge it years later.
As I grew older, I reached a breaking point where many of the emotions I had buried began to surface. Often, what we do not deal with in the present can eventually show up in other areas of our lives.
can eventually show up in other areas of our lives.”
My emotions were all over the place. At the time, I attributed much of what I was experiencing to the shifts happening in my life: people being removed from my life who were no longer meant to continue into my future, my eyes being opened to see situations for what they were rather than what I wanted them to be, and my learning how to establish boundaries.
When Access Becomes the Barrier
Suddenly, trying to heal emotionally became something I was attempting to do on top of the already intense demands of being a medical student. Changes in my environment and my life contributed to an even deeper emotional struggle, so I began looking for a therapist.
My first stop was a counselor through my school. I did not feel a connection with that counselor, so I stopped going. Next, I tried to find a therapist in my hometown, but because I was physically located outside of the country as a student, I encountered limitations in accessing care—even though where I was attending school was not my permanent residence.
Eventually, BetterHelp was recommended to me. I signed up and found the experience helpful, but because of the cost, I was only able to use the service for a couple of months. During that time, however, speaking individually with a therapist helped me better understand how my circumstances and environment could affect my emotional well-being.
As much as I had tried to watch YouTube videos to figure out what I was experiencing, I received greater clarity through individual sessions with a therapist.
Sometimes, YouTube is not enough.
Sometimes, we need an actual conversation with someone who can listen to our individual situation and help us understand what we are experiencing.
Checking In Instead of Checking Out
These experiences also led me to begin examining emotions that lasted for hours, days, or weeks. When I began asking myself why, I started getting answers. Sometimes, the source of what we are feeling may be more identifiable than we realize if we take the time to sit with ourselves and ask questions.
We can pray for solutions while also recognizing that God may lead us toward practical steps. Sometimes that step is seeking professional help. Sometimes it is setting a boundary. Sometimes it is changing an environment, having a difficult conversation, resting, or simply becoming more aware of what is happening within us.
Sometimes our environments contribute to our emotional struggles. We may continue going to places that trigger anxiety or repeatedly place ourselves in situations that leave us overwhelmed. Certain relationships may leave us feeling consistently drained, yet we never stop to ask why. We may feel obligated to be somewhere when, in reality, we are allowed to say no.
where I didn’t feel loved, I stopped going.”
When I found out I didn’t have to stay in places where I didn’t feel loved, I stopped going.
When I found out I could limit interactions with people without feeling guilty, that’s what I did.
When I found out I could protect my peace and didn’t have to constantly stretch myself to make someone else comfortable, that’s what I did.
Sometimes, we continue going places or maintaining certain patterns because we have never considered that we have another choice. Many of us prioritize the feelings and expectations of others without considering what continuing to do so may be costing us.
At the same time, emotions should not be our only guide. Feelings can give us information, but they do not always tell us the entire truth. Fear, for example, may sometimes make us want to run from an opportunity God is leading us toward.
A Practice, Not Just a Feeling
So I am not writing this to say, Follow every emotion you feel.
I am saying: Pay attention. Ask questions. Pray. Reflect. Seek wisdom.
Allow God to direct your path while also becoming aware of what is happening within you. Sometimes our emotions can alert us that something needs our attention, even when we do not yet fully understand why.
Our lives can change in meaningful ways when we begin taking the time to notice our emotions and consider the who, what, where, and why connected to them.
Emotional awareness is not about allowing every feeling to control your life. It is about becoming aware of what is happening within you so that you can respond with greater wisdom, seek appropriate support, and make healthier decisions moving forward.